I Hate January

I hate January! How can you hate a month, you may ask? Every year, it seems to be the hardest month for me emotionally and I am not sure why. Every year I get the blues for these 31 cold, depressing days. Maybe it is just my chemistry, or I am sad that the holidays are over, or I am contemplative of what goals I did not accomplish last year and if I should bother doing that again. I am not sure, but I do know this is something that has plagued me for many years. So I want to dedicate this post to my patient, sweet husband who has not divorced me over my foul mood, yet, and I remind him that we only have 3 cruddy, no good days left.
This past 6 months have been amazing and depressing all at the same time.
The Amazing
Last August, I accomplished something I was not sure I would be able to do, I graduated with my Masters degree in Mental Health Counseling. It was tough and I met many challenges along my path. I did walk in graduation in May and I knew I could kick butt through those last 15 weeks of Internship, but to actually get to the end and know I really had finished the fight was, well, it was amazing.
Sebastian and I fell in love, hard. We got married and had a naive plan on how to live in the same home, area, time zone, country, you know, near each other. No plans ever shook out for us and it was frustrating. On August 25th I boarded an airplane with the intent of living with my husband. It was miraculous, amazing, that we had finally overcome my schooling, had a job, and cancer to get to this point. I cherish that we got here, finally, and that we are able to see each other daily, not bi-monthly.
I got a job in a recession. AMAZING. It isn't my first choice and not the area of the US I would like to live in, but it is right and it is where I am suppose to be. It is by divine design that I found this job and was the candidate they selected for the position.
My new ward is fantastic and they have really made me feel welcome. I am a stranger in a strange land, but I know when I am at church, that is not the case. I am blessed and amazed to have a ward family, particularly Relief Society, that treats me like I have been there forever.
Not so Amazing
I am not trying to complain but these months have been challenging. For one thing, my leg ha acted up and been a source of much frustration and pain since October. Not so amazing.
I have been playing the waiting game since September 2, 2011. I am impatient and I really hate waiting. It can be such a source of aggravation and depression for me. On September 2nd I was offered my job. Then I had to wait for the North Dakota Board to review my schooling and decide if I was qualified to take the National Boards. Once that was approved and I filled out the next set of paperwork and paid the next hefty fee, I had to wait for the National Board to verify I had been qualified by the state of North Dakota. Then I had to wait for my confirmation. Once I had confirmation I scheduled to take the National Counselor Examination, but I had to wait 3 weeks until they allowed for me to sit for the exam. I knew that day I had passed but I had to wait for the National Board to send my passing score back to North Dakota. Then I had to wait for my old professor to FINALLY write the letter I asked her to send in September. Once my file was complete I had to wait for the North Dakota Board to meet and issue my license. So, after all of this waiting and hoops I have been jumping through, I will have my LAPC (Means I am a new counselor working to complete more internship hours) on February 1st. All this waiting has made me crazy, but I have gone from sitting and waiting to the rush to find a place to live in North Dakota and a start date of my job that I was hired for on September 2nd. I start on February 6. Not so amazing.
Living in a house with my very different and opposite mother-in-law. Not so amazing.
And, my most recent stint of having a fender bender with a public transit bus this past Tuesday. Scared me to death. I was going to pick Sebastian up from work. I was so excited. I had found the apartment and I knew I would finally start working, and it was date night. I had 3 different impressions to do something different that would have kept me from being in that intersection at that moment. I ignored all 3. So, I was 2 blocks from our house when I saw a bus barreling towards me. It scared me because these roads are narrow and covered with ice, so I stepped on the brakes. I must have hit them too hard because I then started to skid. I clipped the driver's side front wheel and hit my mirror. It broke the glass in the mirror and our steering is tight, but I know it could have been so much worse. I was fortunate that the bus was a training bus and no passengers were aboard. The curse was that this was a training bus and the inexperienced bus driver should have known not to come blazing down our road. The whole experience really shook me up and I have been even deeper in a funk these past few days. We will have the car looked at on Monday, and I hope that the damage is minimal. We shall see. Not so amazing.

I know I am blessed beyond measure and I need to break out of this depressed mood. I saw a quote today and it got me thinking. It said, "What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things we thanked God for today." Perspective, yes. As tough as things are, I have some pretty amazing things happening and I need to remember to be grateful and that even my lumps have a sugar coating.