My Anthems for Now...

I have been listening to a lot of music lately. My cute mom gave me the new Brad Paisley CD for Christmas and when I heard this song for the first time on Monday, I knew that it's words are for me. It is called "No"

On my fifth birthday, I got so upset,
About the brand new bike, that I didn't get.
I'd prayed my heart out, and it didn't seem fair,
I told my grandpa, I guess God doesn't care,
And he just smiled, and said my child,

Make no mistake, every prayer you pray,
gets answered, even though,
sometimes, the answer is no.

Five years later, out behind the shed,
With a stolen pack of grandpa's cigarettes,
I struck a match, and held that first one to my lips,
And prayed to God please let me get away with this,
And through the smoke, I saw grandpa standing there.

Make no mistake, every prayer you pray,
gets answered, even though,
sometimes, the answer is no.

When I think of all the answers in my life, I would have to say,
There's no doubt it was always for the best,
When I didn't get my way.

Grandpa got older, like grandpas do,
His health was failing, and I guess I knew,
It'd be best if he was called on hold,
but selfishly I prayed that God would keep him hanging on,
And when he passed away, in my mind I heard him say.

Make no mistake, every prayer you pray,
gets answered, even though,
sometimes the answer is no.

Sometimes, the answer,
is no.

As I listened to the lyrics of this beautiful song, I thought of 2 things. The first was a time early into my cancer diagnosis and I had to give up my life here in St. George. I prayed to be able to stay or that I would be able to be cured and did not have to give up my life to be sick. Well, the answer was and is No. Looking at this situation I know I can have more empathy for people who are chronically ill or faced with trials they feel is insurmountable. Maybe, I am still doing my internship. but this is my Heavenly Father's internship, his refiner's fire to make me better as a counselor and a person.
The second thought was of my Savior and how he prayed that his very large task be removed from him but he was willing to accept his Father's will. I need to remember as life hits us over and over, Sebastian and I can try to emulate our Savior.
And Yes, I played this song for Sebastian and he immediately asked me to find the lyrics for him. I think it is his anthem as well.

I heard this song about 2 weeks ago and had a similar reaction. As you read through this Sara Evans song, well it is a break-up song, and it is about my break up with cancer and my tumor. Yes, every day I am getting "A little Stronger"

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger