Good things about having Cancer

So, I may bewildering some of you by the title but I decided to think about some of the good things about having cancer. There has to be something, right?

1. You find out who your friends are quickly when you are diagnosed with cancer. They are the ones who do not treat you like a walking case of leprosy, tell you look great when you know that a paper bag over your head and a potato sack would enhance the look you are trying to pull off, and hold your hand and laugh at you while you attempt to wallow in self pity.

2. Weight loss! For those of you who do not have a need to shed a few lbs. the cancer weight loss plan will really suck. This does not apply to me. So, I lost 80 pounds in 5 months, thank you Morphine. I doubt that modern medicine will start marketing this narcotic as the new weight loss miracle. So, when I wanted to eat a candy bar or donut, I did not feel bad. But, if the morphine manufacturers change their minds, I am available to be their spokesperson.

3. Laziness. True, you really do not feel like moving or have the energy to stand, but very few people will ask you to bring in the groceries, clean the bathroom, or shovel snow. The trick to keep this going is to act like you would really like to help, or even try to help for a moment before you collapse from lack of energy.

4. You get to drive those little crazy carts at Wal-Mart. It's a trip, you just have to ignore the looks and judgment of others that you do not belong in that cart.

5. Blankets. This may sound odd, but apparently when you have cancer, you have an increased need for fleece blankets. People everywhere have a blanket for you. You may even get one as a "prize" for completing radiation(I think there should be a cash prize or spa package, maybe even a vacation offered to anyone who can finish the rigors of radiation). I am not complaining, they are great, all 4 that I have received, but I wish they were cut a little longer to cover both my shoulders and toes at the same time.

6. You find out what you truly are allergic to in this world. I went into the hospital with a minor allergy and left with 6 items I have severe allergic reactions to. I guess you never know until after they try it on you.

7. Cancer can be used as your go-to excuse. Why aren't you working? I have Cancer. Why do people drop you off at the front door of every place you go and pick you up there when you are ready to leave. Oh, I have cancer. Why did you have a complete come apart when they were out of your favorite whatever (soda, candy, book, use your imagination). Sorry about that, I have cancer. It works, ask my sweet husband.